Attraction On The Mats

1 min read

Editor’s Note: We are happy to present a narrative by Den Blonde Ulven

I recently took off a few weeks from MMA training, in which time I remained rather unkempt- unshaven, complete disregard of personal appearance, and forgetful of what a mirror looks like. Said absence and appearance was noted by my peers. Not being the type of individual to proactively offer information, no one knew that I would be gone for a while or that I could pull off such a remarkable caveman look. However, I will answer non-private questions honestly when asked- and the cute 18 year old fresh-out-of-high school Queen Bee and her friends were wondering where that brooding recluse had sunk off to. The conversation went as follows:

Queen Bee: “So where have you been, Mr. Homeless-Thor?”

Den Blonde Ulven: “Researching historical border hoppers.”

QB: “Oooooooh Mexico or Canada?”

DBU: “Neither.”

QB: “What? Those are the only two someone here would care about.”

DBU: “Cute, but false.”

QB: “So what were you really doing?”

DBU: “Reading up on people moving across borders.”

QB: “I don’t believe you. You’re making this up!”

DBU: (Turns to address her listening male peer) “You know the only thing more attractive to a woman than a mysterious man? A mysterious man who’s been to prison.”

QB: “YOU WENT TO JAIL?!????!?”

DBU: “Jail isn’t so bad.”


DBU: “I’ve told you what I’ve done.”

QB: “I bet you hit someone with your car. Did you hit someone with your car? Did you get into a fight?? I see some scars on your hands! And that would explain why you haven’t shaved!!! Blah blah blah blah blah…”

DBU: (Makes eye contact with her male peer again accompanied by a wry smile)

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