Cooking With Ian: Rum Ham

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Editor’s Note: We decided to make today an Ian day. He first posted this at his own site.

In the traditional style of recipe writing… I’m a huge Always Sunny fan and the Rum Ham episode is in my top 3 favorites. I found a recipe, then perfected it. This is Christmas Dinner at my folks’ house this week.


Roasting pan

marinade injector

meat thermometer

basting brush

mixing bowl


℞: :1 9.5lb ham, smoked

1 1/2 cups rum, dark

3/4 cups cane sugar

3/4 cups brown sugar

the juice of two lemons

3 tsp black pepper

Can of sliced pineapples (in juice, not syrup)

Maraschino Cherries

The preparation of the Ham of Rum is thus: Heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit

With the exception of the pineapples and cherries, mix all non-ham ingredients in a suitable vessel; if the mixture is too liquid, add more brown sugar, taking care to balance the flavor with additional black pepper and lemon juice as needed. 

If the mixture is too thick to inject, add more rum. 

The glaze mixture should have the viscosity of a thin syrup. Score surface of the ham with sharp knife, after the form of diamonds. Place ham in roasting pan. Inject ham strategically and thoroughly with half of the mixture, covering and saving the other half of the mixture for later.  Do not yet glaze the surface of the ham, for therein may lie ruin. Bake ham for 1:15 (one hour, fifteen minutes), or until center temperature reads 135 degrees. Remove ham from oven, baste with the remaining saved half of the mixture, taking care also to baste with the drippings. Return to oven for 10-15 minutes, or until glaze becomes sticky–taking care not to allow the glaze to burn. Remove from oven, baste again with the drippings. Using toothpicks to affix the garnish, garnish with pineapple and cherries. Allow to rest for 10 minutes. Serve with mashed potatoes, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli. For a good time, use drippings to dress your mashed potatoes. Accompany with iced tea, or whatever rum you didn’t drink while waiting that eternal hour while the ham was baking.

Ian McLeod is an author and entrepreneur from the humid depths of Dixie. His books include the pop-satire DARWINVERSE series, and three books of poetry--BILGE PUMP OF A TURGID MIND, VALVE COVER GASKET OF THE ENGINE OF DESPAIR, and LAUNCH EVERYTHING; LET GOD SORT IT OUT

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