Editor’s Note: This article refers to the Socio-Sexual Hierarchy, which you can read about here. Note that the use of “Alpha,” and the other designations, is in this context.
I see all manner of posts and thoughts about approximating the behavior of Alphas. I thought it would be far more useful to explain how Alphas become Alphas in the first place, and what you can do to train your sons, and yourselves, to be Alphas.
Do not approximate. Do or Do Not. There is no Approximate.
An insightful blogger here pointed out that the Alpha ego, enormous as it is, is based in reality. The Alpha’s positive self-image and confidence are the direct result of what? It comes from success. But success at what? Well… that’s the important question. It has to be what people consider… real. Business… sport… music… art… anything…. almost. Video game success is going to help you out with your geek clique but the rest of the world just doesn’t give a crap about your latest World of Warcraft raid. If you want to move up the social ladder, you do that not by aping behavior, but by growing into an interesting person. Now, I hear the Gammas hissing already. I know, I know… you are interesting and if everyone else was just smarter they’d see how amazing you really are. You Gammas are free to stop reading now, as for the most part, you’re utterly hopeless. A pox on you.
But you Omegas… you low Deltas… you’re the ones I’m really talking to. Look, you don’t need therapy, dudes. You need a life. That’s not an insult, it’s a pathway. It’s advice. Let me ‘splain.
Alphas are always described as the center of attention, telling loud self-aggrandizing stories. Well… what if they had no stories? What if the stories weren’t true? They wouldn’t be Alphas, would they? That is the very difference between Alphas and Omegas and Deltas. Alphas are interesting, and they have reality-based self-confidence that stems from challenges bested.
Men have been denied challenge their whole lives. You’ve had no adventures. What have you done? When you look back on your life to this point, what makes you smile and say, “Wow that was something most people haven’t done”? If the answer is, “I have a level 80 Undead Death Knight,” then congratulations, you’re a Delta or more likely an Omega. If your answer is, “Well… I climbed Kilimanjaro and one night in Stockholm I kicked Izzy Stradlin’s ass” then you’re probably an Alpha.
Ah, but you say, “Dude, I can’t afford to go to Africa and Sweden’s weird.”
You’re right. But you don’t start at the top. You start at the bottom… and the basis of all self-confidence is accomplishment. So pick a challenge and go meet it. Don’t just meet it, destroy it. Crush it. Learn mountain climbing. Learn to rappel. Learn sky diving or scuba diving. If that isn’t your style, then build something. Learn wood working and build things with your own hands and when the products are finished, they will stare back at you and the excellence before you will be an external proof of your own worth. You don’t need to stand in front of a mirror and recite any stupid self affirmations. The proof is right there. There was no sturdy, well-built table and now there is. The very table itself looks at you and says, “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggonit, people like you.”
You know this is true. You know it because you tasted it when you set up that pretty girl’s DSL modem for her. It wasn’t her attention that fed you. It was your accomplishment and the fact that however small your contribution was, there was real, externally verified value there. Now imagine if you hadn’t done a geeky thing like that. Craftwork is the elementary school for self-confidence, friends. Start with your hands. If you’ve already surpassed that level of self confidence, then it’s time to move on to adventure. Go places. See things. Do. Go and Do. If you’re not an extrovert, that’s fine. Go alone. In fact, in a lot of ways that makes you cooler. Sigmas are alphas whose challenges are largely bested alone.
The difference between natural-born Alphas and you is that we were born with this burning desire to challenge ourselves, and in our minds we never fail. Never. We never fail because we never quit. As a child I would hear my friends say, “I can’t do that,” and it sounded absolutely alien to me. I would think, “What do you mean you can’t do it? Have you tried? Have you worked at it really hard for days on end?”
What one man can do, another can do.
So get off your ass and do it. Live, dammit! You’re a man. The world may not provide you with dragons to slay, but you’ll die if you don’t. So create your own dragons and crush them. Crush them, dammit, and their carcasses will feed your soul and their blood will fill your heart… and a pretty girl will seem about as threatening as the dried leaves of fall you crush under your feet without a second thought.
So… what are you gonna do?