Navigating the Grocery Store

2 mins read

I am honestly a bit sad that I have to even write this article. This issue seems so obvious to me that I cannot understand how it even needs to be addressed, but there is no doubt that it must be covered. One of our core values at Men of the West is “to clarify the issues of the day …To unify [men] across Christendom to steel them against the barbarians who are either at the gates, or already inside them. We will celebrate, defend, and expand Western Civilization and the values and traditions that created it.”
So I present to you the topic of navigating the grocery store. I will assume that you have been to a grocery store at some point, and know the basic layout. You will also have some experience at pushing a grocery cart. Now, you also remember that there is an aisle, or row, that goes between shelves, lining each side of the row. It looks something like this:grocery
Now, we live in America. In this country, traffic has a certain flow, and it does not matter if you are driving a car, riding a bicycle, walking, or pushing a cart through a store. Even in that godless den of idiocy, Los Angeles, they understand this.latraffic
Sure, there is congestion, with lots of vehicles moving in unison, but they are all in the correct lanes, moving in the correct direction. You do not see someone who should be on the right side of the road veering off into the left lanes. You see, that is our normal traffic flow. We drive, ride, walk, and move on the RIGHT FREAKING SIDE OF THE ROAD. That means that there are two specific things that we do not do.

  1. We do not drive on the wrong side of the road (and this applies to riding, walking, etc.).
  2. We do not park our cars at an odd angle blocking traffic in any direction. If we must park, we pull off to the side, to allow other traffic to continue to move.

So what happens to American brains when they enter a grocery store? Apparently, there is some metaphysical forcefield that must be passed through to enter the store, causing people to lose their damn minds. I know these people know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they must drive on the right side of the road. As they navigate the parking lot, they drive up and down the right side of each lane, looking for a parking spot. Then, they enter the store, and bedlam ensues.
Once these idiots put their hands on a grocery cart, they forget all these rules. Once we enter the store, we find ourselves transported to freaking India.
indiatraffic
Look, if you want to go live in filth and squalor, then knock yourself out. I happen to live in the United States of America, where we bathe once in awhile, eat with utensils, and use toilet paper. If I wanted to live in a place where my left hand was used to wipe my backside, I could move to India. But I do not do that because I do not want to live there. Likewise, I prefer to move in an organized manner. I do not want to sit and watch morons moving up the LEFT SIDE OF THE GROCERY STORE AISLE. Scoot your cart to the right, where it belongs. You should not proceed up the center of the aisle. You should not be on the left. And God Forbid! You should not stop in the middle of an aisle, with your cart turned at an angle that inhibits the movement of other patrons.
Now, you may not think this is important, but I present to you the fact that if you are not capable of traversing up a grocery store aisle properly, then you are probably not capable of doing much. This is not hard, people. You do it everywhere else.
I cannot imagine how a person could even entertain the notion that he might be a Man of the West, if he cannot even navigate a grocery store properly.
 

Lead Scheduler at MOTW. Husband, Father, but most importantly, a man of God. Possesses more degrees that most people find useful.

18 Comments

  1. Remember the video game Paper Boy? That’s what I consider shopping to be like. If I can’t send my wife to the store, I either go way early or way late. I avoid stores in the middle of the day. It’s not worth the stress.

    • Never, ever go during the the worst time of day, that is the 4pm to 6:30pm zone. People are getting off work, they don’t want to be there any more than we do, and I have witnessed some truly nasty people during that time of day. Luckily my life has changed to the point where I can send hubby after the first crush of commuter traffic in our area dies down if I need to.

  2. Manners are a hallmark of civilization. However, when a slack jawed heffer is milling about, struggling to assemble the necessary power for a single thought, it is helpful to provide a reminder. “Excuse me, would you move your cart please? Thank you”. Say it assertively so they know that it is a command and not a request.

  3. The middle of the aisle cart drivers are the ones that drive me up the wall. I try to stay on one side or the other, but those who hog the middle and impede traffic should be flogged in the produce aisle.
    I find that 99% of the rest of the shoppers tend to respond okay to politeness. But there is no hope for the middle of the aisle folks.
    You didn’t even cover the absolute worst offender. That is the one who leaves the cart in the middle of the aisle AND abandons it and their open purse to go to the other end of said aisle or to the next aisle. I have witnessed this in my lifetime several times.

    • The other worst offender is the one who gets started on their checking out, then they remember they forgot something and they are gone forever. Always lots of fun waiting for the idiot when you have frozen stuff in your own cart to worry about.

  4. Part of the problem is you can’t casually smack the idiots.
    People try to drive sanely to avoid accidents because accidents are painful, inconvenient, and costly. If the similar consequences waited for the idiot shoppers, they’d stop acting like that.

  5. First you should mostly be eating stuff from the outside aisles(fruit/vegetables, meat, dairy.) Except for nuts and coffee most everything down the aisles is junk food. When you do need something from a middle aisle, leave your cart next to the end display walk down the aisle pick up your coffee walk back to your cart and continue round the outside of the store. Walking allows you to go faster and pass the meandering cattle. Yeah if everybody did this it would be an uncivilized mess, but mostbodies love mentally grazing all the junkfood to move quickly. Without pushing their cart slowly down every aisle they might miss the seasonal oreos flavor or doritas with bold new graphics on the bag. Stop following the supermarketing habit-trail, save time and eat better.

  6. GB, absolutely agree with you. Dr Agus (Short Guide to a Long Life) says one should completely avoid the center of any grocery store. Time spent there guarantees a future visit to a cancer center or cardiologist. Of course the stores themselves don’t help traffic by placing pallets of crap in the middle of the aisles to encourage impulse buying. Staying close to the outside perimeter of any store is good for both your physical and mental health.

  7. Admit it, the problem is with the XX half of the population and the Asians. Costco in Seattle is a horror show. Woman had her cart cross wise in the aisle obstructing totally. I just stood there. She asked, “Do you want to get through?” I said, “My Doc says I should exercise more so I have decided to just stand.” She thinks for at least 30 seconds, “you don’t have to talk to me that way!”, she shouts. I reply, “Had you not blocked the aisle that way I would not have talked to you that way, but since you did, it is obvious that you have no concern for other shoppers and that you are a selfish person who requires that I talk to you that way!!!” Doubt that she learned anything.

  8. Wow, you all need to take a chill pill. You are actually worried about how people walk around a grocery store? You have way too much time on your hands! I don’t have the time or inclination to care about that kind of stuff. Obviously you’ve never been to a Grateful Dead concert. You just have to be kind, gently but decidedly push forward towards the stage, and say a lot of “excuse me”. Oh, and find someone else who is pushing forward and jump in behind that person, and just follow their trail. It really is not that hard to get through a grocery store (or a Grateful Dead concert). Live a little and you too can avoid the waiting room of the cardiologist’s office.

    • First, you need to learn to recognize tongue in cheek posts. Second, the lack of manners at the grocery store is indicative of the broader culture. You might want to brush up on your critical thinking skills.

    • “I don’t have the time or inclination to care about that kind of stuff.”
      *PROCEEDS TO CASTIGATE FOR A WHOLE PARAGRAPH*

      • BUT I HAVE TIME TO WHINE ABOUT A BLOG ARTICLE FROM TWO MONTHS AGO.NOW THAT IS SOMETHING I HAVE TIME AND INCLINATION FOR.

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