I am honestly a bit sad that I have to even write this article. This issue seems so obvious to me that I cannot understand how it even needs to be addressed, but there is no doubt that it must be covered. One of our core values at Men of the West is “to clarify the issues of the day …To unify [men] across Christendom to steel them against the barbarians who are either at the gates, or already inside them. We will celebrate, defend, and expand Western Civilization and the values and traditions that created it.”

So I present to you the topic of navigating the grocery store. I will assume that you have been to a grocery store at some point, and know the basic layout. You will also have some experience at pushing a grocery cart. Now, you also remember that there is an aisle, or row, that goes between shelves, lining each side of the row. It looks something like this:grocery

Now, we live in America. In this country, traffic has a certain flow, and it does not matter if you are driving a car, riding a bicycle, walking, or pushing a cart through a store. Even in that godless den of idiocy, Los Angeles, they understand this.latraffic

Sure, there is congestion, with lots of vehicles moving in unison, but they are all in the correct lanes, moving in the correct direction. You do not see someone who should be on the right side of the road veering off into the left lanes. You see, that is our normal traffic flow. We drive, ride, walk, and move on the RIGHT FREAKING SIDE OF THE ROAD. That means that there are two specific things that we do not do.

  1. We do not drive on the wrong side of the road (and this applies to riding, walking, etc.).
  2. We do not park our cars at an odd angle blocking traffic in any direction. If we must park, we pull off to the side, to allow other traffic to continue to move.

So what happens to American brains when they enter a grocery store? Apparently, there is some metaphysical forcefield that must be passed through to enter the store, causing people to lose their damn minds. I know these people know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they must drive on the right side of the road. As they navigate the parking lot, they drive up and down the right side of each lane, looking for a parking spot. Then, they enter the store, and bedlam ensues.

Once these idiots put their hands on a grocery cart, they forget all these rules. Once we enter the store, we find ourselves transported to freaking India.

indiatraffic

Look, if you want to go live in filth and squalor, then knock yourself out. I happen to live in the United States of America, where we bathe once in awhile, eat with utensils, and use toilet paper. If I wanted to live in a place where my left hand was used to wipe my backside, I could move to India. But I do not do that because I do not want to live there. Likewise, I prefer to move in an organized manner. I do not want to sit and watch morons moving up the LEFT SIDE OF THE GROCERY STORE AISLE. Scoot your cart to the right, where it belongs. You should not proceed up the center of the aisle. You should not be on the left. And God Forbid! You should not stop in the middle of an aisle, with your cart turned at an angle that inhibits the movement of other patrons.

Now, you may not think this is important, but I present to you the fact that if you are not capable of traversing up a grocery store aisle properly, then you are probably not capable of doing much. This is not hard, people. You do it everywhere else.

I cannot imagine how a person could even entertain the notion that he might be a Man of the West, if he cannot even navigate a grocery store properly.