Editor’s Note: This is the latest from The Dark Ninja of Mockery and Twin Red Shadow of Justice (Who should have his own log in soon).
Numale Grin, also known as the Soylent Smile, is the worst thing to hit the internet since duck face, Kim Kardashian’s big fat greasy ass, and dress-wearing interstellar fruit trade novelist John Scalzi got together and made a retarded gay baby that does nothing except post shitty social justice screeds on Tumblr all day long when not white knighting for fishmouthed feminist fuglies on Twatter.
Once you have seen it, your scalded sclerae will forever be soiled by the simpering submissitude of skinnyfat swarms of sackless snarky soyboys.
And, according to scientists at the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hatewatch™, numale grin is 14% worse than Hitler.
Fact Check: Mostly True
What does it all mean, why is numale grin a bigger threat than climate change*, and how can we stop it?
Leading anthropologists at /pol/ were the first to notice and catalogue what they described as “fear grimace”, which is a deferential posture often adopted by weaker, swishier chimpanzees when confronted by an alpha male. The open mouth basically says “I am not a threat to you”, and possibly also “why yes, I do have songs by The Pet Shop Boys on my iPod”.
Other prominent physiognomists posit an alternate theory, that low testosterone gamma males now spend so much of their time on internet-mediated ersatz relationships that they have subconsciously started to emulate emoji.
Whatever the reason, if you’re suffering from Soylent Smile, help is at hand.
Step 1 – Admit You Have A Problem
Maybe it’s not your fault. Lots of young men in the West these days are lost souls, often with weak or absent fathers, victims of a feminized educational system and marinating in a pozzed-up popular culture that flat-out hates masculine white men.
It’s easy to understand why so many younger guys fail to become assertive grown men and remain trapped in perpetual adolescence. The bad news is, only you can decide to change. The good news is, you can decide to change.
Step 2 – Lift Something Heavy
You can’t be a strong man if you’re not a strong man. Read Donner Schwanze’s simple guide to becoming a man of steel, and then do what he says.
Step 3 – Get A Quality Wife, And Then Put A Baby In Her
You’re not a real man until you’re a father. Sorry kiddo, but that’s a fact. Once you’ve put away the Magic: The Gathering cards and put on a bit of muscle, your energy levels will rise, your confidence levels will rise, and you’ll be in demand with the ladies. Find a nice Christian girl (no fatties, no feminists, and no flakes), wife her up, and start a family.
Bringing new life into the world, your own flesh and blood, is the hardest, most challenging, and most rewarding thing you will ever do. Don’t make the mistake of waiting for the “right time” to have kids either – the mythical “right time” of no distractions, the perfect job, and the perfect house never happens. Your ancestors didn’t let little things like Ice Ages, the Black Death, and Civil or World Wars stop them from passing the baton on to you, so don’t become the sad, crusty-socked genetic dead end of your family tree. The real right time is when you’re both still young, energetic and fertile.
Step 4 – There Is No Step 4, Why Aren’t You Lifting Something Now?
Seriously, once you decide to make some simple changes to your life and start growing into the sort of man you were meant to be, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner. Yes, you could ignore all of the above and concentrate on your next comic book convention, VRChat anime masturbation session, or whatever it is non-sex-havers fill up their time with, until your grandsire rises from the grave and chokes the life out of you in righteous disgust.
But you won’t, or you wouldn’t be reading this website.
Together, we can beat the curse of Numale Grin.
*because global warming isn’t real, idiot.