You. Yes, you. Sit your ass down. We need to talk.
Listen, I know you’re all fired up about your cause. I don’t particularly care what cause it is. Global Warming… Save the Whales… Poverty… AIDS… Race… Gay Marriage… the NRA… (yes, this goes for the so-called Right-Wingers too). It is all about fixing someone else’s poor choices.
I swear, just listing off the causes makes me want to deepthroat a cattle prod. If it were up to me, we’d round up all these interest groups with all these asinine pet causes, and we’d slow cook the folks in charge of them and serve ’em with au ju.
You think those folks give a damn about their cause? Oh sure, there may be a handful of true believers, but they ain’t running things. These are money-making outfits. Scams. Take the global warming groups.
They create their own demand by ejecting bullshit on a defenseless public, and the public, being defenseless and more than a little stupid, buys it, and starts worrying about global warming. And what do you do when you worry? Right! You send someone a check. Good thinking!
NRA? Same deal. They say the boogeyman’s coming to get our guns, but they sure don’t seem to interested in actually defending the Second Amendment. Just send the check please.
PETA? Check. Same deal.
Think about it. Do you really think Karl Marx believed that crap he wrote about all work being equal? He wasn’t a fool. He wrote it for you because he knew you were fools. He wasn’t planning a Utopia. He was manipulating you. You know what else? He did a helluva job!
And what about you, Mr. I-Fall-For-Every-New-Theology-That-Comes-Down-The-Pike? Do you actually think your latest pet topic and cause is the product of original thought?
What was that I said? Oh yeah, fixing everyone else’s mistakes. See? That’s what they all have in common.
They’re all built to cater to your ego. You’re smarter than everyone else because you know we’re ruining the earth, or killing all the animals, or the fish, or whatever.
See how smart you are? Now sit down, shut up, and send us your money.