SIR JOSEPH: I am the monarch of the sea,
The ruler of the Queen’s Navy,
Whose praise Great Britain loudly chants.
COUSIN HEBE. And we are his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
REL. And we are his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
SIR JOSEPH. When at anchor here I ride,
My bosom swells with pride,
And I snap my fingers at a foeman’s taunts;
COUSIN HEBE. And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
ALL. And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
SIR JOSEPH. But when the breezes blow,
I generally go below,
And seek the seclusion that a cabin grants;
COUSIN HEBE. And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
ALL. And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
His sisters and his cousins,
Whom he reckons up by dozens,
And his aunts!
____________________________________

When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy to an Attorney’s firm.
I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,
And I polished up the handle of the big front door.
(He polished up the handle of the big front door.)
I polished up that handle so carefully
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!
(He polished up that handle so carefully,
That now he is the ruler of the Queen’s Navy!)

As office boy I made such a mark
That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.
I served the writs with a smile so bland,
And I copied all the letters in a big round hand.
(He copied all the letters in a big round hand.)
I copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!
(He copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!)

In serving writs I made such a name
That an articled clerk I soon became;
I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit
For the passed examination at the Institute.
(For the passed examination at the Institute.)
That passed examination did so well for me,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!
(That passed examination did so well for he,
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!)

Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip
That they took me into the partnership.
And that junior partnership, I ween,
Was the only ship that I ever had seen.
(Was the only ship that he ever had seen.)
But that kind of ship so suited me,
That now I am the ruler of the Queen’s Navy!
(But that kind of ship so suited he,
That now he is the ruler of the Queen’s Navy!)

I grew so rich that I was sent
By a pocket borough into Parliament.
I always voted at my party’s call,
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
(He never thought of thinking for himself at all.)
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!
(He thought so little, they rewarded he
By making him the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy!)

Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn’t fettered to an office stool,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule.
(Be careful to be guided by this golden rule.)
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen’s Navy!
(Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen’s Navy!)